1 Samuel 3:1-10(11-20)
1 Corinthians 6:12-20
John 1:43-51
Psalm 139:1-5, 12-17
This morning we read of very intimate passages regarding the
phenomenon of God calling individuals.
In Samuel we read of Samuel being called alone in the dark, quiet
watches of the night. In the Gospel of John we read of Nathaniel being called
by a friend in the brightness of day. We
see in Scripture and in the lives of the saints that callings from God take on
many different forms. We know that there
can be collective callings and individual callings. Collective callings being what a people are
being called to, individual callings of course pertain to the individual. While, I think it is important to remember
collective callings, it appears the Scriptures today focus more on individual
calling, so that is what I will focus on today.
And when we talk about individual callings in our faith tradition, we
have a wide assortment of how those come to take place: We have the callings
that take place when persons are young and innocent, such as Samuel, and St.
Mary, the mother of Jesus. We have
calling take place when people are old and wise such as Elizabeth and Zechariah
in being parents of John the Baptist. We
have callings in the cynicism of middle age, such as Nathaniel (“Can anything
good come from Nazareth?). We see
callings come to the wealthy or established, such as Isaiah and Solomon;
calling come to the poor, such as Amos, the Holy Family; calling comes to those
who seem to be lost in life such as Abraham and Moses. Calling even comes to people who have little
faith, such as Sarah. Calling is
unpredictable, it is out of control, because, much to the disdain of theologians
and religious authorities, the Holy Spirit is out of control. We have no way of knowing, when and how
calling comes, but we do know that it happens at God’s will.
If I were to define an individual calling, it would be this: I
understand a calling from God to be, a salvific and redemptive initiative by
God alone, into the life of the individual, with the intention of bringing one
back and moving one forward to that state for which the person was created.
In other words, a calling is God’s way of saving us from the world and from
ourselves. I don’t believe we are ever
called to great tasks per se, we are called to be ourselves, the way God
created and intended us to be; it just so happens that in doing that we do
great things!
In study and experience, I know callings from God to take on
many different forms, but I am most intimately familiar with how calling took
place in my life, and I will use my experience as a way of talking about this
spiritual phenomenon. First, I want to
say that as Episcopalians, I love the fact that fundamental to our tradition is
the practice of having Scripture show us every Sunday the experiences our
ancestors had with our God and their faith throughout time. We read every Sunday, how God acted in their
collective and individual lives. And I
think we get a lot out of it because we can relate to it most of the time; because
we believe God is still very active today.
While Scriptures teach us how God acted in the past, as Episcopalians,
we believe God is still active in this world; we expect God to act, and we
expect God to continue to speak to His People.
I want to say that because while my story might be unique to me, it is
not unique to our Church. Stories abound
in our communities of faith of God calling, of God acting, of God saving, and I
think we benefit sometimes from hearing those stories.
My calling to be a Deacon has been an unexpected one. Mainly because until four years ago, I did
not even know what a Deacon was. But,
also because the life I would be called into was so different from the one I
was living. In my previous life, I was
an international flight attendant for 10 years, and I was based out of Newark,
NJ. Most of my flying was to Europe, but
occasionally I would fly to Asia, either through business or for vacation. While starting out flight attendants don’t make
much money, by the time I left I was making a very good wage, and I know of
some 20-year flight attendants who, if they worked hard, could make
6-figures. I was financially stable, I
got to see the world…to which I can say I recommend sunsets in Rome, taking a
bike when travelling in Amsterdam, seeing West End Shows in London, and I can
recommend a very great baked potato place in Edinburgh if you want to eat cheap
for a night. From all accounts on the
outside I had it together, however there was this “tug.” And it was a tug that went beyond a mere
existential angst. It was this
unsettling longing that I could not shake; it would not go away, and I sat
doing nothing for a couple of years with it.
Luckily after those years, I moved to New Hope, and my priest at St.
Philip’s, Michael hooked me up with Holy Cross Monastery. And while there in silence, and in talking
with the Brothers, I started moving in a direction toward ordained ministry,
even though I was pretty sure I did not want to be a priest; it just was not me. Michael talked to me about being a Deacon,
and then he had me meet with Archdeacon Pam about the Diaconate, and the rest
is history.
From my experience of calling, I can say this…it doesn’t go
away; it may take on different forms, but if we are being called to our
completion in God, and I believe we are, then calling does not really ever go
away. A calling is not a temporary wish or whim, which can explain why the
Church makes the process to be ordained such a long one. I also want to say that through the
discernment process and through this process of formation as a whole, I never
was alone. I had The Brothers at Holy
Cross; Michael, my priest; Archdeacon Pam; I got a spiritual director who I
have had now for three years. After
almost dying in a motorcycle accident, the Bishop ensured that I saw a
therapist to process that; I have had Nancy as a mentor. What I want to convey is that in calling,
while the specifics might be individual, the process of living that out is
communal.
So if you feel a tug in your soul, but you don’t know what
to do with it, I want to remind us all that we have an invaluable asset here,
Nancy, our priest. In the day to day of
parish life, we can sometimes forget she is a trained spiritual director; she
is trained to help persons in their faith journeys. Also, if you feel you have a calling that
involves outreach, but you don’t know how to live that out, I am
available. Helping the Church: helping
bishops, priests, and laity go out to be Christ in this broken world is
precisely what I am being ordained to do, so please talk to me to see if we can
flesh out ideas and vision that you might have.
But Calling is not easy. From our Scriptures today we see
Nathaniel, who is thought to be St. Bartholomew, accepts the calling, and is
made one of the apostles. He goes
through the journey with Jesus with its ups and downs, and eventually he is
martyred for the faith by being flayed alive.
There is actually a pretty gruesome sculpture in Milan with St.
Bartholomew as just bone, muscle and sinew, holding his skin around him like a
sash. It is rather disgusting…but
fascinating. In Samuel’s story, one of
his first tasks in his calling is to prophesy against his mentor Eli,
foretelling the destruction of Eli’s family.
I am quite thankful my calling has been a bit less dramatic, as I am
sure Nancy is too.
In going back to talking about my calling, I also want to
say it has not been easy, not to the extent of the saints, but it has been
difficult. I had to give up financial
security, I had to give up my career…deacons don’t get paid by the Church, so
we need a secular job to pay the bills.
And to be honest there is the difficulty of growing into a Church
structure that can be dysfunctional at times.
At times, I, along with my family and friends and acquaintances have
questioned why I would give up picnics under the Eiffel Tower for being with
persons at Code Blue or caring for patients with a diagnosis of “Intractable
Diarrhea.” I can say, I don’t have a
rational explanation, only this: Finally, it is not a matter of reason, but one
of love. It just so happens I very much
enjoy spending time and building relationships with persons at Code Blue,
homeless and those with a home. And it
just so happens, I get fulfillment from caring for patients with all sorts of
diagnoses. The one in particular with GI
problems, was very thankful how I treated her with respect and dignity when she
was in such a vulnerable condition; for every procedure and test that day, she
wanted me there holding her hand. In
calling me to change my life, God knew what she was doing.
And so I would like to add an encouragement to Trust God, to
have faith. Sometimes the life we were
created for, is different from the life we expect and plan for ourselves. God never calls people to remain stagnant…God
never calls us to remain the same. God
seems to always call His people into risk, into uncomfortable situations, often
into suffering, but always, always into life, and life to the full.
One last, but very important note on calling I want to say
is this: in my experience, some people have what I term, “blind calling,”
meaning they live faithful lives to God and the Church, and they never particularly
“feel” anything such as calling. One of
the wise women I know, who helped me a lot at St. Philip’s had such an
experience. She told me, she never
really felt called to anything in particular, or had an experience of
calling. And yet, she brings joy to
everyone around her, she helps when she can, and she is a pillar of the
Church. The Holy Spirit acts how the
Holy Spirit acts…sometimes faithfulness does not have the phenomenon of “calling”
with it. It reminds me of a sermon I
heard when I was going to Holy Cross Monastery a lot. There was a priest there, her name was Shane,
and she was a Sister. She was giving a
sermon on Calling, which I thought was very fitting for the purpose of me being
there. She said that for those of us who
experience the phenomenon of calling, if we are honest, it is born not out of
our spiritual accomplishments or enlightenment, rather calling is born out of
our brokenness and need for God. And
that if she was a Good Teacher, she too would be calling all her trouble
students to the front of the classroom.
That sermon has been invaluable to me…it has always kept me from having
a big head when it comes to calling and this process.
So to bring it all together: if you have a tug in your
heart, or if you feel you have a calling, or you are not sure what you have,
please know you are not alone; Nancy and I are here, we also have a network of
people in the Diocese if you have a particular ministry you are interested in
exploring. Also, we have each other…we
should feel comfortable talking with each other about our experiences with the
Divine. And lastly, a calling will upend
your life, but it is a gift…and not having a calling is also a gift. In all things, and in all places, let us give
thanks to God, who is saving us all despite ourselves.
I always like to close in a prayer…so here we go:
A Prayer for Self-Dedication found in our Book of Common
Prayer:
Almighty and eternal God, so draw our hearts to you, so
guide our minds, so fill our imaginations, so control our wills, that we may be
wholly yours; utterly dedicated unto you.
And then use us, we pray, as you will, and always to your glory and the
welfare of your people, through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. AMEN
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